I was most fortunate in my life...
To feel strong alone and not be afraid of myself!
What do I mean about feeling strong alone? We are all born with a deep sense of aloneness. It does not matter if we are rich or poor .. born into conflict or surrounded by friends and family who love us. There is nothing in life that can interact with this natural aloneness!
Like an animal in the wild or like a bird flying .. I was okay with that inner sense of being alone. Most people run away from it .. and perhaps this is the source of conflict? Some people like to be alone with beauty of Nature. Some people like to be alone with meditation. We all return to the World after our short break!
Some people hate to be alone and fill their days with family life and distractions .. escapes and entertainment. Have you all noticed that it does not matter what you do to escape? That feeling returns to haunt you in the most unexpected moments. Like waking up in the middle of the night?
What can we do not to be afraid of this feeling of being alone?
I don't know what anyone can do? But I can share with you what took place with me [in my life] since I was a child. Because .. this is about natural relationship with oneself and not fearing oneself. There is no compromise .. there is no distraction and right at the center of it all is LOVE!
The problem with aloneness is that it is totally and utterly uncompromising .. and this is why most people inwardly [psychologically] run away and seek distraction from themselves. People look outside for so many things .. trying to avoid looking inside.
Being Alone Is The Inner Mirror
When I say BEING ALONE .. do not get me wrong about this as I do not mean physically alone .. on your own .. away from people .. out in the middle of nowhere. One can feel being alone in a crowd of people. One can suddenly feel alone when with family and friends. One can feel alone in the middle of happy festivities .. watching fireworks when all the crowds are peaceful and sharing the same experience.
What I am trying to say is that essentially we are always alone with ourselves. That is what makes us strong even when we may feel fear and want to run away. I have experienced unpleasant situations in life where my life was in danger. Having to get down mountains and stay calm .. where you see your life flash in front of you and you do not know if you will make it down!
When you are high up on the side of a dangerous mountain and you know you have to get back down but you do not know if you are going to make it back down .. that is when you really know and feel you are alone. Strangely .. it is this deep inner mirror that leads you back down the mountain to safety.
The problem is we run away from ourselves and do not face what is inside.
As a child I could always be alone. It was so natural to me .. like being a fish in the Ocean! I do not mean physically alone... I mean being inwardly alone with no sense of fear. The problem is that one has to face many unpleasant things inside oneself. Similar to the dangers of getting back down that mountain. I have to admit that I enjoyed the danger and was not afraid.
In a way meditation is like training in Martial Arts to be strong or training strength to climb mountains. Meditation is not awareness of the actual challenge [Initiation] when it hits you. For example, it took me years to learn and apply understanding the laws of Nature with regard to walking safely in the mountains. When the challenge hits you there is no training that can help you .. you are on your own.
By this I mean that when a life threatening situation / event occurs .. there is not training that applies to this unusual event! All you have is your awareness and instincts. Some situations in life are PATHLESS. You just have to go to a higher level beyond anything you know.
This is what I am trying to say about aloneness... Not only is it beyond anything you know [your experiences] .. but it challenges you at your deepest level. That feeling knows you better than you know yourself and this is a big reason why we often feel uncomfortable when we suddenly feel alone. We are then face to face with ourselves.
True strength comes from inner ability to face oneself.
The self-image / identity / ego is not too happy to have to face itself. As this energy of awareness is the end of the self-image and thought is most afraid of the ending of its whole collection of images and identity = psychological control. Thought is designed to help non-aware beings to function on a day to day basis and survive. Thought is the lowest common denominator in the World.
The next point is it is not thought that gets you back down the mountain to safety!
Top of The Mountain Alone
I once traveled to the top of one of the highest mountains in Europe using one of those mountain cable cars. It was pretty scary .. but pretty amazing. I got to the top and there were all these TOURISTS running around everywhere on the concrete platform. I discovered that I was totally alone.
I was up on top of this mountain surrounded by hundreds of people [all moving too fast] .. and I was absolutely and totally alone .. surrounded only by the mountain. I saw so many things .. I saw myself. I saw the people .. the mountain and I saw myself. It was one of the loneliest moments of my life.
What struck me most was that people go up there and it changes their lives .. in ways that are difficult to comprehend. People were going up and down like ants and I could see beyond the superficial flow of tourists to something sacred and alone. It is something like an energy mirror that sees exactly who and what each one of us is and why we are who we are.
That kind of freaked me out!
The danger is not going to the top a a mountain .. but the danger is the mountain. The danger is facing ourselves [or not facing ourselves]. This is not a rational logical decision. Seeing is like flying. Awareness navigates the currents beyond thought using an inner compass. The actual flight is an inner flight of awareness.
One gets to the top of the mountain alone.
Even though I have the ability to lead other people [who are in a state of fear] back down the dangerous path of the steep mountainside to safety .. I am alone .. even though I am with a group of people. This is the most difficult thing to explain. We look too much outside ourselves to escape inner turmoil.
The people who live at the top of the mountain [inwardly] become an attraction for all the other people who are running away from themselves .. but who are attracted to those who have that energy. Attracted outwardly to the same force they cannot balance inside themselves.
Being alone and facing oneself is not such a problem.
One reason humans do not want to be face to face with aloneness is the utter feeling of powerlessness. It is not a pleasant feeling and the crushing force can feel physically unpleasant [especially at night or in the early hours of the morning]. When fishermen kill a fish that moment is the ultimate point of aloneness for that fish!
We humans have to learn compassion!
Most of all we have to learn compassion for ourselves .. to face ourselves! Not to run away... Not to look for escapes and distractions. Not to be afraid of being alone .. of feeling alone. Most of the problems people face are related to this inner poverty. No one outside is going to solve this for us. If I am off balance .. no one can create balance for me! Only I can create inner balance.
We live in this chaos that is ourselves!