I was always alone in a big family ...
This is one of the most difficult awareness to describe to people. I understand this through my own experience .. and it is perhaps one of the most difficult lessons to learn when incarnating on Earth. Spirit incarnations within a family can be a "mixed bag" .. and through experience I discovered that there is nothing one can do to change other spirit incarnations.
Those of you who read my Blog are perhaps similar to my own experience? Perhaps you are unique souls. You discover your own inner power and integrity .. but you also discover you cannot effect the people you love = inner balance.
So .. what do you do? Do you suffer? Why do you suffer?
Perhaps we imagine that in an ideal state dynamic parents will give birth to dynamic children. Life on Earth does not currently work this way. I will try to explain why this is! Within my own understanding! I was a very unusual disciplined child born into a chaotic .. self-indulgent .. undisciplined family.
This chaos did not effect me.
For some strange reason an unusual or gifted child will appear in a primordial clay family .. for no apparent reason !! This child will have skills way beyond the general basic experiences and structure of the family. In Celtic cultures such children were said to come from the Elves. I now understand what they mean but I wont explain it.
From my observations .. a gifted and unusual child can appear out of a basic almost innocent family timeline .. but for some strange reason such gifted incarnations cannot produce similar extraordinary spirit incarnations within their own family. It seems this unusual state is not INHERITED...
As a young child I once watched thousands and thousands of flying ants dying .. and I may talk more about this later ?? I was camping on a remote Island with my family and from nowhere a giant cloud of flying ants appeared and were drawn to the bright orange cotton tents.
I had to wrap towels around my head and pull up the hood of my jacket to protect my head and eyes from the swarming cloud of flying ants. I could have hidden in the tent and zipped up the door .. but instead I walked around observing the ants.
I felt compassion for the ants .. but I could do nothing to save them .. all I could do was to observe and watch them: Living ants trying to save their dying colony members .. and sometimes this is not possible. But the ants never gave up .. they were all part of a cycle of a dance of death.
Unlike the ants we humans have higher levels of awareness. We may be caught in our own cycles .. but we are not necessarily caught in the ant cycles of responding awareness. Earth humans may not be the highest level of awareness .. but we are not restricted to insect levels of awareness.
Spirit Incarnations Do Not Make Family
I do not mean this to sound bad .. because human beings hold high levels to their origins and their families. I have to be honest and say that as a young child I took a look around my family and extended family and I found them to be [from my point of view] brutal .. undisciplined .. erratic .. self-indulgent and basically out of touch with the Earth they lived on!
Like the ants trying to save each other .. we humans like to think that biological family manifests the same values of integrity and discipline or higher values .. and this is not necessarily the case. I don't know why there are variations .. but they do exist. Spirit incarnations are their own incarnation. Spirit incarnations do what they do for reasons of their own.
Unique incarnations often appear out of the deep clay of basic genetics for no apparent reason. I find this to be the deepest mystery of all. It happened to me .. I was born out of the most basic family genetics where no one around me was aware of anything I could see. In Celtic culture we were called Seers.
You can see with your body and not only with your mind where movement is a form of seeing. Ability is a form of seeing. Skill is a form of seeing. Awareness is a form of seeing. Art is a form of seeing. Discipline is a form of seeing. The seeing comes from within.
I do not know if the dying ants story is clear enough?
When I observed the ants it was clear = there is nothing you can do! I was maybe 13 years old and watching them the message was clear. There are some situations we cannot change .. we have to accept. Karmic situations beyond the intellect and beyond the ego!
Humans are more complex than ants.
Earth humans have the ability to be aware of consciousness itself. A vibrational field that allows humans to become aware of their own existence and to be aware of the psychic state of the humans around them. That is very complex state of awareness. In a way it is a challenge! An inner discipline an inner challenge.
You can only be who you are .. it is that simple.